Chill, Unwind, Relax, Relapse.

Mar 05 2013

I doubt if you’d ever see this but I’ll say it anyway.

I sometimes wonder how things would turn out if I hadn’t made that move to approach you when you were alone outside the scgs hall 5 years ago. Maybe I wouldn’t be hurting today, and maybe I’d be a much happier person. (JUST maybe)

But I know that I wouldn’t be the person I am today if it wasn’t for you. Before I knew it, you became an intrinsically important part of my life. And before I knew it (further) I fell for you so hard, so fast, so deep that I do not see the end of this abyss after all these years. And my free fall hasn’t stopped, and I haven’t even started to climb out of it.

But I do know one thing, though. Had I not made the move to get to know you, I bet I’d still be regretting it today. Because back when I first met you that was how much I was attracted to you.

I do not have the courage to say this to you face to face, but really, although I’ve said this to you many times for different reasons; thank you. For everything you’ve done for me. Even if you would not accept my love, or even my thanks, I would say it anyway. I love you, and thank you. I only hope that someday you’d find that person who would really care for you and love you. (Even though… I am here for you.)

Well. I guess that’s another big chunk of my heart and soul gone. Sigh maybe getting callused isn’t that bad after all.

Feb 24 2013

Despite everything… I still miss you very much.

Feb 12 2013

What’s the price of loving someone? I have no idea how much more this is gonna cost me. Now even being friends is difficult. Seeing her reminds me just how much I feel for her and how she will never regard me as someone more than a friend to her. And it cuts real deep.

So, pop a beer, and a pill. For now that’s the only solution I got.

Jan 20 2013

It’s been a while since I’ve felt depressed. Today… just brought me down so far.

+
that-dyke:

len-i:

distraction:

theburiedlife:

What Love means to a 4-8 year old: A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, ’What does love mean?’  The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined  
See what you think:
 ‘When my grandmother got arthritis , she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore.. So my grandfather does it for her all the time , even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.’ – Rebecca, age 8  ‘When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.’ – Billy, age 4  ‘Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.’ – Karl, age 5  ‘Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.’ –Chrissy, age 6  ‘Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.’ -Terri, age 4  ‘Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him , to make sure the taste is OK.’ – Danny, age 7  ‘Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing , you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that.  They look gross when they kiss’ – Emily, age 8  ‘Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents  and listen.’ –Bobby, age 7 ‘If you want to learn to love better , you should start with a friend who you hate” –Nikka, age 6  ‘Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt , then he wears it everyday..’ –Noelle, age 7  ‘Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.’ –Tommy, age 6  ‘During my piano recital , I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.’ – Cindy, age 8  ‘My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.’ –Clare, age 6  ‘Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.’ –Elaine, age 5  ‘Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.’ –Chris, age 7  ‘Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.’ -Mary Ann, age 4  ‘I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.’ –Lauren, age 4  ‘When you love somebody , your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.’ - Karen, age 7  ‘Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn’t think it’s gross..’ –Mark, age 6  ‘You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.’ –Jessica, age 8
 The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbour was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman’s yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbour, the little boy said, ‘Nothing , I just helped him cry’.

maybe society has hope after all

one of the greatest posts on tumblr.

brilliant

that-dyke:

len-i:

distraction:

theburiedlife:

What Love means to a 4-8 year old: A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, ’What does love mean?’  The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined  

See what you think:

‘When my grandmother got arthritis , she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore.. So my grandfather does it for her all the time , even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.’ – Rebecca, age 8 

‘When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.’ – Billy, age 4 

‘Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.’ – Karl, age 5 

‘Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.’ –Chrissy, age 6 

‘Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.’ -Terri, age 4 

‘Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him , to make sure the taste is OK.’ – Danny, age 7 

‘Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing , you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. 
They look gross when they kiss’ – Emily, age 8 

‘Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents 
and listen.’ –Bobby, age 7

‘If you want to learn to love better , you should start with a friend who you hate” –Nikka, age 6 

‘Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt , then he wears it everyday..’ –Noelle, age 7 

‘Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.’ –Tommy, age 6 

‘During my piano recital , I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.’ – Cindy, age 8 

‘My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.’ –Clare, age 6 

‘Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.’ –Elaine, age 5 

‘Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.’ –Chris, age 7 

‘Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.’ -Mary Ann, age 4 

‘I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.’ –Lauren, age 4 

‘When you love somebody , your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.’ - Karen, age 7 

‘Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn’t think it’s gross..’ –Mark, age 6 

‘You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.’ –Jessica, age 8


The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbour was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman’s yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbour, the little boy said, ‘Nothing , I just helped him cry’.

maybe society has hope after all

one of the greatest posts on tumblr.

brilliant

(via pickingpebbles)

+

I guess sometimes it takes a real wake up call to tell you what’s needed to be done.

Jan 17 2013

I had a strange dream the night before. It stirred & brought up many feelings. To sum it up, it felt as though someone unknown in the dream is telling me to keep trying, but how is it possible seeing
that things are how they are now?

Sigh. Why is this all happening? What in the world is going on?

Jan 13 2013

Once again, I come back here. I realise that this place merely serves as a means for me to release some of my woes and thoughts.

For some reason, today’s a day which brought me back to my old cynical, pessimistic outlook on life. Maybe it’s just fatigue kicking in, but still.

A friend told me very recently that I shouldn’t think about what can’t be, cause it can’t be. Yeah sure, there are many things that I want to be, or things that I want to achieve. But not everybody is cut out to do everything. I mean, for example, I can’t be Batman. O.o I can’t become famous cause of releasing some stupid, mindless, skulduggery which strangely, people nowadays label as music. This I can understand; and these things, I can let go.

But there are also things which I thought I’ve let go, but I haven’t. And all I can say is, pure, unadulterated Love can be both a good and bad thing. It can be wine, maturing and becoming more delicious with each year (with the proviso of proper storage) or it can be poison which becomes more lethal over time. And to sum it up, for me it’s the latter. And I’m not sure when am I able to extract it all out. I guess I can only rough it out, for now. And continue searching for the answers I seek.

When it rains, it pours.

Dec 13 2012

Been awhile since I’ve posted here, I guess it never bodes well when I do.

Sometimes it takes the lack of freedom to make you realise what you want out of life, and what you really wanna do. Also, for some people it may also point to whom they wish to spend their life with, but for myself, uh… not exactly there yet.

The Bucket List, the list of “things-I-must-do-before-I-die” that (not all) people keep. For myself, having an obligation to serve the nation (albeit unwillingly) has helped me realised many of the things that I wanna do in my life. Many things that I should have done years ago when I had all that time. It’s not exactly that I’m old, in fact I just turned 19 two days ago. But I just rue all that lost time I spent moping around and wasting my life away. Now though, not anymore.

Thus I try to be more positive about what I post here from now on. Hopefully this would provide me with an avenue to exercise my creative juices or to merely get certain thoughts out of my mind. It’s no use moping around forever; kid’s gotta grow up someday. (But I still very much hold an ill-disposition towards National Service. See? My grasp of the English Language is not as good as before)

So to whoever follows this blog and somehow or other manage to read this, I hope I’m able to help you take away something from this. Carpe Diem! Life is short, cherish it, live your life to the fullest. Get out there, do awesome air kicks or indulge in your interests or whatever whenever time permits. And get this, THERE IS ALWAYS TIME TO DO SOMETHING THAT YOU REALLY WANNA DO. Cause if you really wanna do it, you’d make the effort to go AND DO IT! (I’m currently working on my own manga and investing some of my time and money to try and compose my own trance song. I’ve also taken up drumming lessons to further my self-taught technique; despite serving two obligatory years of national service full-time.)

So yeah, I guess times are gonna change. This page would no longer serve as the ‘harbinger of destruction’.

Apr 09 2012
So should I stupidly await a favourable response, or just not give a fuck anymore?

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